Prior to developing and structuring my first thesis that includes the genres of literacy narrative and academic discourse with it’s conventions. I got feedback from both the peer review and class instructor to make it clear and obvious what conventions I’m utilizes, inorder to connect the message to the intended audience. This constructive criticism was helpful because my first draft demonstrated incomplete and unfocused main points and wasn’t arguable to show prior knowledge or evidence to back up my initial claim in my body paragraphs. I took it step by step and analyzed each sentence separately to carefully evaluate my thoughts so it can be more well constructed. By doing this, I first got rid of the title since it’s a repetition that’s followed through my introduction pagraph and it’s not needed. In addition, I included the conventions that im going to utilize in order to support the genres I’m using by stating “metaphor” and “experienced voice” which falls within symbolic representation and the use of bilingual language. I also included a broader more detailed description of who are the audience that Anzaldúa is writing for since in the first draft I state “ Americans” but I never included what gender was significant to this overall text. In my new version I stated that the Anericans are scholars who are primarily males. Here I’m giving a stronger specific statement on who are the Americans .
Down below is a reference from the different structures of thesis I've constructed, with the first draft being the original and the second draft being the new version upon my constructed criticism.
First Draft Thesis: (original)
Second Draft Thesis: (revision)
My new revised thesis meets the characteristic of a good thesis statement because it includes : the author's name, two genres which are literacy narrative and academic discourse , two genre conventions which are metaphors and the experienced voice , and the author's main message upon the cultural differences and racism that separates a person and their native language, due to feeling ashamed and embarrassed. It's Arguable because it takes a position, asserting my stance on how the text utilizes genre and it conventions to convey its message to the audience where the audience can possibly come out with conclusions of their own. My thesis statement is specific since it clearly states what genre and conventions I’m utilizing, making it sophisticated as I stated the use of the rector's message and it’s purpose to the text. I structured it off based on the rubric and how the sentence structure and information connects to another with organization. These points line up with my reasoning because its a step by step format on how specific ideas lead up to the overall claim and message. For example, it’s like baking a cake, you have a recipe to follow inorder to bake a well tasteful cake and if you don’t follow at least one step of the recipe, it’s going to ruin the development and structure of the cake leading to something that’s completely awful and undone.
From doing a side-by-side comparison among my thesis statements, I was able to identify what’s needed inorder to conduct a well written thesis statement and how to structure( organize) one in an accurate way following the GA essay rubric criteria. It was helpful to see the difference of an unfocused/incomplete thesis prior to one that follows the rubric. As the rubric followed the criteria of including that the thesis is should be arguable and insightful about the text and overall message with developing a credible interpretation about how key genre conventions to make it relevant to what you are discussing. The overall thesis should have reasoning, inorder to back up the claim to make a good detailed outline of a thesis.
From this assignment, I learned that inorder to make a claim arguable, you must include a sentence that provoke the audience to make own connections and possibly indicate their different view points. As a writer you must require evidence and critical thinking that extends beyond an opinion and the obvious. Thinking outside the box is important to convince the readers. A learning course objective would be the learning of analyzing relationships between , genre, purpose, audience, and context in appropriate genre models as for explaining and showing prior knowledge. This demonstrates that I’m strengthening a key skill in my critical writing by being able to develop an essay with a good thesis statement and show analysis upon my body paragraphs to further my claim. This is important because writing an essay is requirement used among every academic subject to structure a well written piece. Mastering this skill is important to my academic ethos with meeting the requirements for WR 39C. This learning is meaningful to become an academic writer and member of an academic discourse since it formulates the language used among how you interact meaning within your writing.
Stay tuned for next weeks blog!
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